Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm at about main and main street
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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