Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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