dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
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