she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
