he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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