I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
