And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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