Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
this hospital has no fireball
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
