If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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