I'm drive I can fine osifer
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
