In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
