we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
