I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
