I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
