Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
