I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
