i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
