I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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