so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize