Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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