What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
