Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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