I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
