we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
