Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize