i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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