k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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