Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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