I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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