my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize