How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
