Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Randomize
