i just wanna soil my oats bro
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
