One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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