I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
