i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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