wanna go halves on a baby?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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