My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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