Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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