Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
