I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
the gays at disneyland are vicious
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize