i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
