she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize