omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
