i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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