we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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