Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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