happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
