shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize