I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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