You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
