Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
