I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
