I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize