it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
