The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
