Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
