so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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