If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
