If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
