I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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