Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize