OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
