My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
