i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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