Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
