We're like a lot better than the average bears
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
