she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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