The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I FOUND THE LEGS
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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