Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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