i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
do herpes really smell.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
