I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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