you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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