You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
