Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
