i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
