I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
And then he peed in my hair
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