Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
