i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize