Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
