Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
