I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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