Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
