so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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