Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
