You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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