Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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