FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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