Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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