don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's never too late to be topless.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize