Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
