Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
