I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
