if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize