I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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