My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
