He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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