Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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