I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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