come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
