Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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