Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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