My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
