Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
