Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
